Us

Our two children were off to college and we were adjusting to the empty nest. It was a period of happiness and enjoyment of our time together as husband and wife. We were young -just becoming forty-somethings- and were living a wonderful phase of our lives.

When the news of breast cancer arrived, I was devastated.

I was always the type to not worry about things until there was something to truly worry about. Most times, these things end up being something minor or the problem goes away. I was not prepared for it when it was confirmed. I am the type to mentally prepare for any event. I had no backup plan for this at all. For the first time in my life I was caught off guard.

She was more concerned about me.

She was tough and determined through it all from the very beginning. The tough decisions came one after another. The double mastectomy. The hysterectomy. The chemotherapy. A year went by, day by day. Surgery after surgery.

Those treatments.

She described the feeling as getting hit by a bus and then lying broken on hot blacktop pavement. This wasn’t due to the chemotherapy medication as much as it was the bone barrow stimulating drug received the day after the treatment session. Two days after was the worst day.

She hurt. She was tough.

I’ve lived and endured many things that are at the pinnacle of toughness. She inspired me.

She is the toughest person I know.

As she felt less and less beautiful, she became more and more beautiful to me.

She lost her signature red hair during this time. It just made you notice the beauty of her face even more.

She was sick for a long time; but eventually, she got better. There were setbacks and complications. But she got better.

Then, one day, a year later after too many surgeries to count and too many chemotherapy sessions to remember, she was told it was over and she was okay.

Then the hardest part started….

Through it all, we faced it day by day, one at a time. It was survival and our lives were dedicated to it, and nothing else. The surviving part is the hardest. The resumption of life and the psychological aftermath. The adjustment to a new kind of life with the fear in the back of your mind each day that it could come back.

This was harder.

But each day got easier.

Then recently, five years had gone by and it was like a weight lifted from her. She is still healing and learning to love herself again. Someday, she will love herself as much as I love her. That is my wish. Someday, soon I hope, she will see herself as I see her. The most beautiful person on this earth.

Womanhood and beauty are not the sum of parts, it is the twinkle in the eyes of a mother with her children, the warmth of her embrace. It is the essence of her love and laughter. Her courage and encouragement. Her glow.

Her presence is my therapy, her smiling face is my inspiration. As my soulmate gets whole again, I too, get whole again.

I just want her to feel good.

JArtB Monday, October 24, 2016 at 19:30